


more intimate than sex

by AudreyV



Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: Angst, Drunk Sex, F/F, F/M, Multi, Post-murder threesome, Threesome - F/F/M, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-15 03:58:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17521586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AudreyV/pseuds/AudreyV
Summary: This time, they’ll go to Annalise first. It won’t fix anything, but Bonnie doesn’t know what else to do.Post 5x08.





	more intimate than sex

**Author's Note:**

> I kind of always wanted to get both Nate and Bonnie’s Annalise-addicted asses into bed with her, but I really didn’t think it would happen like this.

When it was all over, her body still felt cold, even though she was hours past kneeling in the snow.

Nate was quiet in the passenger seat as Bonnie drove. Autopilot wanted her to head for home but she couldn't help but remember the fight she had there with Ron earlier that day. (It felt like weeks ago but it was less than 12 hours.)

Another autopilot wanted her to head to Frank’s, but he lived with her now, which made it feel different. And this time she had Nate in tow, almost catatonic and staring out her window with blank dark eyes, and Frank wouldn't be any help with that. (He’d try, though, and she loved him for that.)

“What are you gonna tell her?” Nate asked suddenly. Bonnie realized they'd parked outside Annalise’s new apartment, although for a moment before the tall building coalesced in her field of view, she saw a house she'd once called home.

“I don't know,” Bonnie replied. “Everything, I think.”

She wondered if Nate would object, but he just nodded.

“Okay,” he said and she knew he'd decided to just trust her. He was out of his element and broken and Bonnie didn't want the responsibility of another lost soul but what Bonnie wanted hadn't mattered in a very long time.

When the door swung open, Annalise looked as wrecked as they did. She glared and started to scold Bonnie for showing up at such a late hour but she stopped cold. Annalise's eyes flicked from Bonnie to Nate and back again before she wordlessly stepped to the side so they could come in.

“I guess you made up,” Annalise groused, but she poured three glasses of vodka all the same.

They sat in silence on the couch for a long time before Bonnie spoke.

“Ron’s dead, but we took care of it. It won't be a mess this time.”

“Doesn't matter,” Annalise mumbled. Bonnie finally really looked at her and thought this was the most tired she'd ever seen her.

“He killed my pops,” Nate said, but Bonnie knew Annalise didn't need the explanation. There was either a reason or there wasn't, and either way it changed nothing.

“Rough night?” Bonnie asked.

“You could say that.” Annalise shrugged. “I’d tell you all about it but I'm drunk and bored of it already.”

“Okay.”

They drank in silence until finally Annalise finished her glass and plunked it down on the coffee table.She stood and headed for the bedroom.

Bonnie was slipping her feet back into her glittery heels and reaching for her purse when Annalise turned back.

“Are you coming?” Annalise asked over her shoulder. Bonnie wasn't sure which one of them Annalise was talking to, but she assumed Nate, who got to his feet and followed Annalise.Bonnie watched him go, then looked back to Annalise, who was still waiting.

“C’mere,” Annalise mumbled, holding out a hand to her.

Bonnie knew this was disaster but it was kindness too, and she couldn't help but take it.She took a few unsteady steps before lurching into Annalise's outstretched arms.

Every time she opened her eyes, she wasn't sure how much time had past since she closed them. The first time she blinked herself back to reality, she was standing near the bed. Nate was a few feet away, pulling his undershirt over his head. (The button down he'd worn to the wedding was long gone, burned to ashes. They all knew now to be thorough.)

“You okay Winterbottom?” Nate asked quietly.

“Of course not,” she said. He looked embarrassed, like he knew it was a stupid question, and he was still shaking a little. Bonnie couldn't help but feel a little compassion and added, “But I’ll be fine.”

“I'm taking this off you.” Annalise tugged down the zipper of Bonnie's dress and pushed it off her shoulders. “You looked good today,” she added. Bonnie braced for another statement that would turn a sincere compliment into a backhanded one, but it didn't come.

“So did you.” Bonnie unhooked her bra and slid it down her arms. She caught Nate looking at her. His arm was extended between them with his fingers reaching for her, as if he'd stopped himself before they could connect. As if he'd suddenly realized the disaster they were courting.

Bonnie took Nate’s hand and guided it to the curve of her waist. She held it there until she felt him relax a bit. Annalise's hands snaked around Bonnie's midsection to grope at her breasts. It was clumsy and a little too rough and perfect.

“Kiss her,” Annalise ordered and Nate stepped forward, trapping Bonnie’s slight, pale body between them. Even still teetering in her heels, she felt so small as he leaned down and brought their mouths together.

Annalise's hands roamed lower. She slipped her fingers down the front of Bonnie’s underwear. Bonnie could barely concentrate on kissing Nate as Annalise touched her. (It had been so long since they'd done this, but Annalise still knew the map of Bonnie’s body as if it were the streets of her hometown.)

“You want him to fuck you?” Vodka-sour breath on the side of her face and for a dozen reasons Bonnie should have been more morally conflicted than she was, but they were alive and in the moment she decided maybe that's all that mattered.

“Yes,” she managed, even though she wasn't sure. Before she could regret it, Nate was on his knees with his head between her legs and she was leaning heavily against Annalise to stay steady.

“He's good at that,” Annalise said.

“Not as good as you,” Bonnie responded automatically. She felt Annalise’s pleased murmur against her back and shut her eyes. Blood rushed loud in her ears and the world spun but she relaxed into it.

The next time she was in her body again, they were all naked on the bed. Annalise’s mouth was ravaging her, desperate motions of lips and tongue with just the slightest bit of teeth. Bonnie assumed Nate was fucking Annalise, but it was too much effort to focus on that. Bonnie’s fingers twined in Annalise's short hair and held her there, hard.

It all blurred, all the groans and sweat and limbs, until it was just a feeling deep in Bonnie’s chest, a sense of being both dirty and cleansed, simultaneously worthless and wanted.

It had been years since she fucked someone she couldn't look in the eye. Bonnie had standards now, and years of paper mache self-esteem she'd built up a millimeter at a time.She wouldn't let a man use her body that way now. She hadn't realized it could go both ways.

She shouldn't be doing this with Nate. A day ago she was furious at him. She still was, but she also felt a responsibility to him she couldn't explain. He was part of their mess now, deeply stained by the latest misdeed, just like she was. 

Murder was more intimate than sex. Bonnie had long forgotten the faces of all the men who’d touched her, even some of the ones she'd chosen, but now every time she blinked she saw Ron the way he'd looked right after she kissed him for the first time. (She knew the image would retreat eventually, although it wouldn't fade completely. Rebecca’s sullen eyes still kept their residence inside her, a quiet itch of guilt she couldn't scratch.)

“You okay?” Nate asked. His concern rankled Bonnie. 

“I'm fine. Just fuck me.” Bonnie rolled over onto her stomach and waited, tense, until she felt the warmth of Nate’s body above her.

He was gentle, more than she expected and far more than she deserved. It was irritating, all of it, the care he was taking with her when what she needed was to be fucked hard and fast so she could forget.

“She's not made of glass,” Annalise said.

Bonnie thought she might cry with relief when Nate started to move above her in a firmer rhythm. She turned her head and met Annalise's eyes, snaked her hand out to pull Annalise's face to hers so she could press their mouths together.

Annalise tasted like pussy and vodka and pain and Bonnie took it all in like it would be the thing that saved her. She kissed Annalise like a drowning man struggling for breath, mewling and crying out as Nate fucked her.

It was all so wrong, but it never really felt right before anyway, so she clung to Annalise, desperate, panting, shaking until she came so abruptly her drunk brain tilted and whirled and her vision went dark.

When she blinked back into the present, she was chilly and alone. Bonnie clutched Annalise's bedsheet around her and concentrated on breathing. Annalise came back into the room with a glass of water.

“Drink,” Annalise said, and Bonnie did. “Scoot over,” and Bonnie did that too.

“Nate?”

“Asleep on the couch. He told me everything.” Annalise sighed heavily and met Bonnie's eyes. “Thank you. For protecting him.”

“What else could I do?He's one of us. I told you I'd keep us safe.” Bonnie's brow wrinkled and she frowned. “I'm so sorry, Annalise.”

“It was a fucked up night and we all needed to feel alive. It's sex. It happens.”

“I didn't mean the sex. I meant everything else. I shouldn't have trusted Ron.”

“You think he had Nate Sr killed?”

“I don't know. Probably not. But he wasn't a good man. He thought I needed to be rescued from you.”

Annalise chuckled. She reached out and gently pushed a stray lock of Bonnie’s hair back.

“As if you haven't rescued yourself from worse.” Annalise smiled and Bonnie felt warm for the first time in hours.When Annalise extended her arms, Bonnie folded herself into them.

“You seemed troubled when we got here,” Bonnie said quietly.

“You wouldn't believe me if I told you.”

“Try me.”

 

 

 


End file.
